Black Friday Baby
Attention all Retailers: Black Friday is not meant to be a sad trickle of questionable purchases that make me doubt myself. I want to feel like a shopping winner so could we up the ante?
I have been to a lot of sales in my time. Sample sales, factory sales, end of range sales. Closing down sales. Black friday sales. But the best sale I have ever been to was a Zara one. Now usually I HATE a Zara instore sale. I see those sneery sales assistants (why are you sneering babe, you work at Zara?) lining up all the product in ridiculously packed bunches and I know it’s time to hibernate in front of my comfy e-basket. But I was on my lunch break and the Zara store was calling like the mother ship that it is.
So I swan dived as gracefully as I could into the chaos. And by chaos I mean women flinging product into their shopping bags, onto prams of sleeping babes and into their older children’s arms. Queues stretching like domino stacks out of the changing rooms (I don’t know why people don’t just buy and try on in the cool and civil sanctity of their own homes but that’s a story for another day).
I felt like I was in some sort of parallel universe. It was hot and I was hungry - not a great combination for survival of the high street’s fittest. I shuffled around in a haze, trying to decide if I wanted to buy a fringed top that could be Coyote Ugly cute but could also look more ‘last chance saloon’ in the wrong light. As I scanned the store and the frothing zombies within it, I spotted a pair of shoes lying in the middle of the floor. “Well that’s not great,” I thought to myself, “Someone is one hundred percent going to trip over those.” and I casually walked forward and picked them up. My magpie eye clocked them properly. They were cute. They were leather. And gasp - they were my size. And faint - they were £10. It was one of those key moments in life where the universe and God and all the algorithms and the Matrix and everything aligned.
I could feel a shining light emanating from these beautifully soft leather boots. These were destined to be mine. I looked around but no one seemed to have noticed this momentous occasion. I tried them on. They fit like a glove. I braved the queue to pay, thinking there must be some mistake with the price. Why no dear reader, £9.99 including VAT. I feel like that moment might have been my life’s peak. I wore those shoes everywhere. Glastonbury, London fashion week, baby showers and work. They came on every weekend away, every trip home. They made me feel smug and sartorially satisfied with myself, not only because they matched everything in my wardrobe but also because they elevated the things that should have been given the boot out of it (see what I did there). People asked me if they were Isabel Maurant. YSL? Bottega Veneta? I nodded to each in turn. Let them believe what they want - I knew the truth and I relished in it.
This my friends is the joy a good sale item can bring. When the stars align and the zip skims up the body like butter on a skillet. Or the size you thought would be too big or small is in fact perfection and you’ve solved the riddle of what to wear to that wedding in Provence. And for a quarter of the price? Quelle belle surprise! You leave the store, cheeks flushed, in love with the world as if it was Christmas morning and you were 5.
So on this eve of the Black Friday I have been scouring the internet in the hopes of recreating that moment. Minus the elbowing at the racks of course. Ahead of Christmas and summer I thought - let me stock up. Let my mouse click on those perfect party frocks and Christmas stocking fillers but at cost. And instead…? I am surrounded by ludicrously pathetic offerings that wouldn’t tempt a flush 13 year old hyped up on Jungle Juice or Prime or whatever the kids are drinking these days. I am seeing 15%, 20%, 30% offerings. What in the name of Black Friday madness is that? In an economy that’s hyper inflated and over merched you’re taking off my shipping costs and calling it a ‘sale’? What kind of shopping amateur do you take me for?
And I understand that small businesses can’t do major discounts. You are all exempt obviously. But to all major retailers and shopping platforms I would like to say - be better than the shipping costs. Clear out your warehouses, air out your bottom line. Black Friday is meant to be the mecca of sales. It’s meant to be worth the frenzy, not a sad trickle of questionable purchases that make me doubt myself. I want to feel like a shopping winner so please for the love of everything sacred, could you oblige?
Top Tips for Black Friday Shopping:
Prep your shopping baskets and wish lists - I prep wish lists not baskets. I have this fear that the internet gods are watching and will not give me the full discount if they think I’m already hooked. So have a plan of what you are looking for and add to your wish list. Maybe those same shopping gods will take pity on you and give you that 70% off.
Check the delivery slot - often people are buying ‘emergency items’ - an outfit for their immediate holiday or skincare that they desperately need tomorrow. Sadly I think retailers halve their packing staff in order to compensate for their losses, or some such capitalist nonsense, so you might end up waiting longer than you intended and have to buy interim purchases which negates the budget.
Club in with like-minded shoppers. Those 3 for 2 specials will work out so much cheaper if you split the bill with friends or family looking for similar items. I set up WhatsApp groups and pre game. This is serious business folks…
Go big or go home - One big purchase rather than lots of little ones will be much more satifying. Unless you have a solid plan of what to buy and where. That massively reduced TV, Dyson airwrap, Sisley face mask or Celine bag that you have been dying for will feel like a major win when compared to lots of little bits that won’t give you extended enjoyment.
Think of others - Stock up on Christmas gifts for family and friends but also stock pile nondescript items that can be given to teachers, work colleagues or last minute Christmas add ons. Candles, beautiful kitchen ware, books and wine for the win.
And finally - take a breath and repeat after me -
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING.
Don’t panic. This is not the last sale you will ever see. Plan your attack, budget and go in for the kill. Don’t get side tracked by all the banner ads and social media hype. Especially if it’s only 3% off and free shipping over R10 000000000. Oh who am I kidding, its going to be complete mayhem…
Where I might be spending my money…
1 - H&M and Mango on Superbalist are always winners but don’t get fooled. There is more crap here than on seal island. Be considerate and search by brand and collection (Conscious or Trend) or filter by material type (leather, cotton etc). You could find up to 70% off but often there is a lot of flammable, ill-fitting polyblend that you want to avoid. Also, unless you are a 12 year old boy, avoid anything with the Divided H&M label. That was not created for anyone sporting hip bones…
2 - Zara - definitely prep your Zara basket and set the ole midnight alarm. Although Reductions begin at 9pm tonight on the app. Yes that’s TONIGHT so get on it. These goods traffic fast. I find Zara sizing completely off so buy in multiples to cover yourself and look out for out of season stock at massive reductions. You might find a great puffer or winter boot that is ridiculously cheap and will translate from season to season. Just thinking of the planet here people…
3 - Haus of Hertex - if you are looking for some luxury for less, Hertex Haus has you sorted. Go look at their rugs, towels and throws but double check the Woolworths rug offering to compare prices as the retailer carries the Hertex Haus brand and some of their prices look much better than the stand alone store.
4 - Dermastore - they never run sales (like not even for your birthday) and if KBT’s trailers are anything to go by you do not want to miss out here. I also have insider intel that they have been stocking up for months so it’s bound to be a good one. Make sure your basket is prepped and the alarm is set…
5 - Checkers. Looking for an airfyrer or vacuum? How about some cutlery or wine glasses. Macro, Game and Checkers are the places to shop as these guys like to move stock out fast and you can find really premium offerings at ridiculous prices. I’ve just spotted a Phillips airfryer for R1 499 which ordinarily is about double the price. The catch is that you have to go into store. Worth that saving though…
6 - Subscriptions - no one ever thinks of subscriptions but Black Friday is the ideal time to bring yourself or someone you love year round happiness with a magazine or Spotify subscription for less. The economist is doing 50% off so its worth shopping around…
7 - Mood Makers - so random but anyone who lives in South Africa knows that the power could go off at any moment so best to have rechargeable or solar options on hand (unless you go the whole hog and get an inverter something that the Hubster and I are sticking our heads into the sand about). I am looking into stylish options and since spotting Mood Makers at Club Kloof a while ago I have been OBSESSED with their offering. The discount is only 15% but its a local brand and super cute so I’m going to support.
8 - Old Khaki - I’m not a huge Old Khaki fan (it’s the name and the goat that throws me) but 50% off on some really lovely linen and cotton basics is a vibe. Some favs below but they are being snapped up fast…
9 - Skin Creamery. We have some major local beauty brands and while the discounts might not be as big it’s worth supporting, especially when you are ticking off Christmas gift lists. I’m not an oil kinda gal but Skin Creamery’s hydrating facial oil is a staple in my bathroom. It smells good, feels good and leaves me feeling like a millions dollars. They are doing 35% off site wide tomorrow so a good one to go check out for gifts and self (naturally).
10 - Sitting Pretty. Another local gem, these guys are taking a more sustainable approach to Black Friday and only putting up archived collections on sale. This doesn’t mean that anything is not 2023 worthy as the brand prides itself on classic, everlasting pieces. And its up to 80% off which is huge. Definitely worth a look for beautiful fabrics and timeless daywear.
Please let me know if you spot anything that I might have missed? It’s always good to share shopping knowledge especially when it comes at a discount…
The most luxurious face oil on the market - Skin Creamery and I love the glass packaging. Definitely on my Black Friday shopping list.