The Emperor’s New….Speck of Dust
This week - a handbag that's too small to see nevermind wear, breastplates, barbies and Lily Rose Depp's side boob as the major star of series The Idol. What a time to be alive!
So I didn’t write a post last week because I felt like there wasn’t too much to write about. Sure Chrissy Teigen was feuding with a stranger about her supposed plastic surgery (yet again) and the Kardashians are still alive so I could comment on that but I just feel a bit meh about them lately.
Selling Sunset is over. Succession is Over. Ted Lasso is over. I mean what else is there!? Sure USA Vogue dropped their Margot Robbie Barbie cover and Lupita Nyong’o wore a custom-made breastplate of her own breasts to the Tony Awards. The internet is divided on said breastplate. After Jared Leto arriving in a full blown cat costume to the Met Gala nothing shocks me anymore.
Oh and The Idol made its debut and set all the internet tongues a’waggin (see more below). But nothing was making me want to get a’typin. In fact I felt like the world was waiting, humming slightly with anticipation for something SENsational to drop.
So I was thrilled when I was presented with…a fluorescent green rendering of the Louis Vuitton monogrammed OnTheGo handbag the size of a…wait for it…speck of dust! TA DA! Oh what a year to be alive! Exactly what we have all been waiting for - a handbag so small that I will need to whip out my trusty microscope (which ironically would never fit into this bag) to help you see it. Hell to help me see it.
But seeing it is not the point is it. Oooooooh plot twist. Oh wait did you mean you wanted to be able to see it? Like a statement purchase? You’re a bit annoyed that you need to spend so much money on a speck of dust? I don’t think that’s the point. It’s obviously making a statement. It’s called Fashion Brenda LOOK IT UP!
But in all seriousness the bag is made by American art collective MSCHF who love to stir the ole pop culture cauldron with their whimsical and sometimes controversial takes on traditional fashion items. So it’s an art piece. Whew! Here I was thinking we would now be spending money on things we can’t actually see.
In actual fact, it’s all a comment about luxury bags and the extremes people will go to wear them (whether that’s completely oversized or mini versions). “As a once-functional object like a handbag becomes smaller and smaller, its object status becomes steadily more abstracted until it is purely a brand signifier,” the brand said in a release. “Previous small leather handbags have still required a hand to carry them—they become dysfunctional, inconveniences to their wearer.”
This is all very artsy and clever and everything but I think it would help if we could see the damn thing? Maybe if you had made a full sized version but covered it in unwearable spikes or covered in hand grenades or something that would make a little more of an impact? This Shrek-toned beauty will be displayed as an art piece under a microscope in Paris and then go on auction at Pharrell Williams’ auction house Joopiter. The starting bid is unknown but experts reckon it will sell very well (more than the price of an actual Louis Vuitton then?) because it’s gimmicky. Do we think the microscope will be included in the sale price? ‘Cos aint nobody got time to go and buy a microscope to display their dust speck handbag…
MSCHF loves gimmicky. Recently these ridiculous red Super Mario boots were doing the celebrity rounds. From basketball courts to street style posts these beasts were everywhere. Look it’s fun, its art and it retails for $350… oh wait, all the fun drained out of me all of a sudden.
But at least those you could wear these boots. People did complain that they couldn’t get them on and off easily and let’s be honest they look so cartoonishly uncomfortable that I would 100% fall down the first flight of stairs that appeared in my day. I would be too busy looking at my weird clown feet. But at least one could wear them for the $350 spent.
The brand is smart. From their ‘Made in Italy’ bag that was made in Italy, Texas (yes there is a town in Texas called Italy) to ridiculous popcicles in the shape of annoying plutocrats (yes you can now literally eat Elon Musk), a lot of items are sold out. They are quirky and clever and the right amount of tongue in cheek (if you want to pay for it). Some are a teeny tiny bit over the top. The ‘Satan Shoes’ for example come with a drop of human blood mixed into the sole. But if you are going to hell at least you will look good going there.
But this little snotty spec? You can’t wear it and as art you need to look at it under a microscope. I’m not buying. For all we know it could actually be a TimTam biscuit crumb and the clever little MSCHF-makers are just projecting an image of a bag onto a screen that they printed on a Konica Minolta somewhere. It’s all starting to feel very Emperor’s New Clothes - art, fashion, both or not.
The Idol
I wasn’t going to review this HBO series because the trailer was so ghastly that it made me want to go have a shower immediately. But I’m two episodes in and can give you a bit of an insight…
I just don’t understand why Lily Rose Depp’s breakout had to be her shaking her (albeit cute) butt and breasts and pretty much everything else. There is a lot of ass shaking. You will also see a lot of side boob, under boob and most of the time - all the boob. Also Abel - The Weekend - Tesfaye and his rat tail fill me with the absolute heebie-jeebies. And that is the point. It’s all about the relationship of a complicated pop idol (Depp) with a self-help guru and leader of a modern day-cult (The Weekend). No wonder I have the heebie-jeebies. But a bit like MSCHF’s speck bag it all feels gratuitous.
The Weekend and his rat tail fill me with the absolute heebie-jeebies…
The storyline has gaping holes in it, the dialogue is weak and the characters a bit non-committal. I could live with all of that but what’s concerning here is the pro-rape narratives within the show and the idea that women like to be exploited, ‘performing’ for men. In this instance, a global pop star likes to be exploited and performs for a dodgy nightclub owner who she meets once and believes is the guy who is going to change her life. It’s come under so much fire in the press for being re-shot into a masculine fantasy of dominance and ick to watch sex scenes.
Overall opinion? Avoid at all costs. Because once you’re in you are going to want to know how it ends. So you are going to have to sit through the graphic scenes and moody cigarette smoke and Lily’s dead eyes ‘loving’ all the horny male fantasy acting she has to put up with. It’s very close to the Britney bone and it leaves you feeling sick. If you would like a full review, this piece in GQ titled, The Idol just gave us the worst sex scene in history,’ sums it up rather well.
But if you have been watching and are looking for a brilliant roasting of Depp’s performance, then Chloe Fineman’s skit is just spot on (note the backwards bra).