Stealth Mode

Quiet luxury has slunk into the room and I am here for it. From Gwynnie to Succession's Shiv, the wealthy are looking expensive but not giving away just how much...

There is a brand in the UK called FatFace. Yes truly. FatFace. What do they sell you ask? Sheep fat insertions into the visage? Why no, it is in fact a middle of the road fashion brand. The styling is a bit Abercrombie & Fitch, a bit Old Navy. In South Africa Old Khaki is a direct copycat. Think city slicker goes to the country for the weekend to drink wine and have long, mud-free walks.

Cosy knitwear, soft autumnal colours, broderie anglaise peasant blouses in the Spring, mohair mix scarves in the Autumn. But unlike FatFace, the other brands I’ve listed above don’t have a name that’s also used in kids’ playgrounds as an insult. Although I do also take umbrage with the ‘old’ in Old Navy and Old Khaki but that’s another story. So why is it called FatFace you ask? Well google will tell you: 

“Back in 1988 our founders Tim and Jules were enjoying life on the slopes, but money was running out, so they hatched a plan; print some sweatshirts and t-shirts, sell them at night, and ski during the day. Inspired by the name of the black mountain ski run in Val d'Isère - La Face - FatFace was born.”

Really Tim and Jules? Does that actually make any sense? I guess I could wrap my head around the name, except that it appears on the clothing itself. Emblazoned on t-shirts, studded into hardware, and stitched onto pockets. A Fat Face reminder wherever I turn. I absolutely refuse point blank to wear anything where the words ‘Fat Face’ appear on so much as a belt buckle or a jacket rivet. And it’s a shame because the clothes are lovely. Warm and comfortable and comforting. Like a poncho for the soul. But a Fat Face I do not aspire to be and so my clothing cannot reflect a false narrative.

Call me old fashioned but I have never been a fan of logo attire. Slogans, pictures and statement tees are a no-no in my wardrobe. You can imagine how much anxiety the late nineties and early noughties brought me, full of the ‘don’t be jealous’ type slogans that they were. Absolutely not a vibe. Unless you were Paris Hilton in the early-noughties. Then apparently you could do whatever the f*k you wanted and wear the t-shirt to match.

I highly doubt Ms Hilton would wear this now (one can live in hope). Although having said that, the recent trend for ‘nepo baby’ t-shirts came out and still seems to be going strong. Yes it’s ironic, but in an era where the popularity of the ‘Look at me, I’m so rich’ Kardashians is potentially at an end do we want to be calling out how rich we are and for the wrong reasons? Especially as we are claiming to work SO hard that daddy’s money isn’t really a factor and so we should be taken seriously?

Society has also moved on from said Juicy Couture era where brand logos were stretched over boobs and bums with attention screaming fonts and bedazzle in places one shouldn’t be dazzled. 

No matter if it’s in spray paint or on Hailey Bieber, it all feels a bit too ‘look at me and how clever I am’. I know they are meant to be tongue in cheek but I find myself trying to bite my tongue and not engage with someone who thinks ‘Team Aniston’ or ‘skinny bitch’ are appropriate conversation starters. 

I do think that by putting a statement onto your body (clothing, tattoo or otherwise) you are inviting feedback. So make sure your choice is sound. Because you can say, ‘Oh I just thought that was funny’ or, ‘Well we should all be feminists, hence my feminist t-shirt,’ but I’m just not sure any kind of provocation stretched across a woman’s body is the right message. I’ll leave that with you to think about and circle back.

Now charity or protest clothing is different. That’s in a category all on its own and deserves its place as an appropriate sign board for your feelings about something culturally relevant. Invite the conversation. Educate, inform and find people who agree or want to have that debate. 

And I feel the same about a seemingly innocent NIKE printed sports bra or a head-to-toe, green and red GUCCI stripe down your tracksuit bottom sides, shoes and bag strap. It’s all just a bit too obvious and shouty.

So I welcome the soothing era of ‘quiet luxury.’ A bit like a spa treatment for your wardrobe, this trend - nay mood- is all about gentle fabrics, cleverly juxtaposed textures and expensive, adult colours that create a mystique of extreme wealth. Except that the items are all extremely expensive and - like the suitably dishevelled hair of the French ‘it girl’ - require planning, grooming and maintenance.

But in a nutshell, this trend is about looking expensive without making it obvious. Vogue calls it, “Less austere than minimalism, but more polished than ‘nomcore.” It’s Sienna Miller in Anatomy Of A Scandal meets off-duty Olsen twins or Succession’s Roy family waiting for their helicopter at a super mansion in Aspen.

The term was coined around the time of Gwyneth’s little courtroom sojourn. Sliding into that sticky communal government space was a creature so stylish, so relaxed and so ready to take on her orthodontist nemesis that you could have mistaken her for a lawyer or UN official. No Sweaty Betty leggings or faux-legal pussy bow in sight. It was all just so beautifully put together. So elegantly expensive that it made the rest of us look like a sub-species of salamander. From cable knits to chunky chains, it was courtside perfection (see what I did there?).

But boring it was not. Oh no. Because this trend is clever. Think smart layering, interesting accessories, masculine silhouettes with feminine textures. And when captured in the same frame as the prosecutor’s ill-fitting powder blue suit, it went up ten more levels on the style spectrum. Add un-blow dried, semi-grey tresses and a lick of botox and you’ve hit the timeless, ageless jackpot. 

In addition to tickling my logo-less fancy, I feel this trend is planet friendly. Because by investment-dressing, you are purchasing less but styling more. So that $1 000 wool coat will be draped over numerous looks rather than being an option in a multi-coat rotation. And those vegan ankle boots will be the only ones you buy this winter and keep getting cleaned and re-heeled for seasons to come. At least I hope Gwyneth re-heels….

I most certainly will be. Call it quiet luxury, stealth wealth, investment dressing or as I like to call it - ladylike luxe - at the end of the day it’s about spending on the best quality you can afford, rather than statement-tee, throwaway fashion. And when you look as good as Gwynnie, I feel it’s worth investing in long term, whatever your budget. Who knows maybe it will help you nab that Swedish tycoon or a first class upgrade at the airport. Because word on the street is - good things happen to stylish people.¹

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How to Get Your Stealth Wealth Wardrobe On…

Must haves:

• Leather - preferably vegan. Think coats, dresses, skirts and full length trenches. Trousers are okay but definitely no skinny fits. Veja trainers at a push. They are borderline boujee but also pro-planet, so acceptable.

• Satin - skirts, camis and dresses. Go simple with the cuts and colours but note all must fit beautifully and if your assistant could carry a cordless steamer at all times that would be helpful.

The Suit - structured and nipped in at the waist or slouchy masculine. Either way the fit is key or else you might be mistaken for a post-flight air hostess looking for a new job.

Wool - wrap cardis, chunky polos or jersey mix dresses. Soft but sophisticated and Woolmark certified natch.

Statement sunnies - but not Celine, that would be obvious.

A Longline Silhouette - column skirts or dresses. Feminine but serious.

The Understated Statement Bag - if it takes your partner a split second to work out it’s a Birkin you need to find a new statement.

Loafers or pull on boots - our luxe lady has no time to fiddle with buckles or laces. She must be out the door in ten, off to save the world.

Must Avoids 

Tracksuits - no matter how fancy or matchy matchy. Athleisure has no place in this lap of lady luxury.

Logos - no comment required.

Prints - unless they are geometric or architectural in some way. 

Skin - skin reveals must be smart. Showcasing too much cleavage or leg or midriff is not stealthy. Surprising cut outs or a sexy back hit the right mark. Our lady is not stuffy but sophisticated.

Love it? Hate it? Have I missed anything? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below….

1. Which street you ask? Probably the corner of Lottery Avenue and Millionaire’s Row.